Taylor Swift and Selena Gomezs Ski Chalet Orgy

Welcome back to Celebrotica, in which the Cut’s resident romance novelist reimagines the news.

"Taylor Swift and new beau Harry Styles of One Direction recently frolicked in the Utah snow with Selena Gomez and on-again boyfriend Justin Bieber."  –People, Dec. 28, 2012

Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez took steaming hot chocolate by the big ski lodge window. They watched Harry Styles and Justin Bieber frolicking in the snow outside, trading snowballs.

Selena sighed, leaning back into the padded embrace of her armchair. “They look so small from up here.”

“They are small, darling,” Taylor reminded. Her nails gleamed with platinum dust and sapphires, a wintry manicure. The boys tumbled down the slick slope like puppies. They mashed wet white into each other's faces. “Small, and so young,” she mused.

It was true. When you are in your early twenties, the gulf into teenagerdom often seemed insurmountable. They observed as their teenagers gamboled on the low hill as though they would never tire.

Selena shook her head. She stirred a marshmallow into oblivion. “I don't know how much longer I can maintain this facade,” she told Taylor. “Every day, the boy tests me.”

Taylor's echoing nod was sage, an indication of hard-won experience. “You might look for a tamer nationality next,” she said. “The British are serving me well enough, and Miley has found some success with her Australian.” She extended a delicate hand and touched fingers to Selena's wrist. Her expressive brow below the coiffed hair showed concern. “Who ever knows anything about Canadians?”

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