Pea coats: put your finger onthe pulse

Why does the male get all the best gear? Because superficially, his clothes are the essence of dull. Men think they're being racy if they break out into a pullover rather than a V-neck. Except for a few honourable exhibitionists, the male colour palette runs the spectrum from blue to bleeeurgh.

This unbelievably wearisome diet - they call it focus - means every last detail counts. There are no ruffles, peplums or puffballs behind which to hide a wonky hem or dodgily set zip. That, in a nutshell, is why men's clothes are infinitely better crafted than women's. And their shoes invariably longer-lasting. Men just won't put up with the trashy quality women have to contend with. They can't believe the prices either. £500? They'd expect them to be handmade, lifelong-guaranteed and perpetually polished.

Left to right: Carven Resort 2013, Milly autumn/winter 2012 PHOTO: VLADIMIR POTOP

This iniquitous pay structure holds at every level of the market, even the basement. Go into the skankiest branch of New Look and the menswear will gaze down on the womenswear from a supercilious height. Literally, in many cases - it's often located on a higher floor. Better cuts, better buttons, better stitching. The grumpy sod is in the details.

Winter fashion: pea coats

This would be actionably unfair if women didn't regularly engage in style larceny on a grand scale. This winter the theft is, I am happy to report, at a record level - and that perennial, the pea coat, is particularly in demand.

Like all the best men's clothing, the pea coat began life as a uniform, and has all the simplicity - and sophistication - of the most successful uniforms.

Even if you are more of a frou-frou sort of person, you may find yourself increasingly drawn to the following beauties: pleat-fronted trousers, brogues, oversized white shirts - and pea coats. That's the Phoebe Philo effect.

The clothes Philo designs for Céline - fisherman's sweaters priced at £700 (What can I tell you? They've got zips running up the side seams so you can adjust the proportions); Brobdingnagian-scale Crombie-style coats (£2,000) in felt or Tattersall check; shirts at £500 - are the stuff of legend.

Left to right: Beige pea coat, £44, Bhs, bhs.co.uk; navy pea coat, £995, Mulberry, mulberry.com.

Wearing Céline, however, requires its own discipline, assuming you've worked out how to actually pay for it in the first place. Rigour + stiffness = challenge. If the Céline aesthetic had a corresponding scent, it would be bouquet of slightly scratchy damp wool, cold showers and a soupçon of Gordonstoun's spartan stiff upper lip. And if it had a single talismanic item of clothing, it would be the pea coat, a jacket/coat hybrid so perfect in its marriage of form and function, so universally flattering - and, more often than not, available in navy.

50 best winter coats for 2012

Fortunately - although I shouldn't say this, because plagiarism is evil - Philo's oeuvre has been mercilessly ripped off, especially the pea coats. Phoebe is the queen of pea coats. She wears them herself, with white shirts and trousers, her soft, wispy hair pushed back behind her ears, sans make-up and, usually, avec flat shoes - and she always looks more comfortable and cooler than just about every other woman in the room, no matter how formal or informal the occasion.

Ideally, what's required is a neat, snug cut across the shoulders, plain rather than gold buttons, side pockets that actually work, a collar supple enough to hold its own if you want it to stand up to attention and a classic colour - either camel, black, navy or cream - in a fabric that's unlikely to bobble. They have to look immaculate, albeit in a casual, non-neurotic way.

Length is the biggest deal-breaker. A pea coat should cover your rear, but not be so long that it spoils the essential boxiness of the original ideal. You can wear it with just about any shaped skirt and any trousers, from drainpipe to palazzos. It certainly makes you feel less resentful about the pay gap - men can be dull so we don't have to.

Read more by Lisa Armstrong here

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